Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

TV's top comedians used the airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, called the "gold card," characterizing it as a obvious pay-to-play arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song about the president. "He's compiling a list, reviewing it twice, before handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... destroys each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the controversial plan that enables international citizens to purchase U.S. residency for the price of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. The program's portal promises approval "in record time."

"A quick note here to affluent foreigners: before you pay, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the scheme is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wanting to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you also get a complimentary stay at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"The most thorough vetting the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging poll ratings amid economic anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a bid to tackle cost of living, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by mocking conservative news defenses of Trump's economic record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.