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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “vanishing” entered the public consciousness. Back then, the idea that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly pigeonholed by online slang.

Zoomers, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a male identity crisis, and a widespread attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this list you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is presenting as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Bird theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and observe whether your date's reaction is engaged or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies seeking out someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would get a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A meet-up where two people connect while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained people in their 20s do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Losing it when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s young urban professional excess, it describes pairs who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks confirm your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no goals of her own other than pleasing her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet act.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in professions they perceive as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {